I love you, but please stop.

Most days I find myself forgetting to use the toilet, having my second pee around 5 pm after I’ve closed my laptop and taken my first breath for the day. 

It’s like I’m sleep walking through life, forgetting to breathe. Forgetting to pee. And always remembering to eat. Be it from hunger or my emotions.

As women and working Mom’s we are tasked with taking care of everyone and feeling selfish when we carve out five minutes for a midday poop.

We often feel rushed through every minute of the day with our internal clock ticking like a time bomb, waiting to be silenced (deactivated) by something that will give us reprieve. Our days are reliant upon someone else’s agenda directly or indirectly influenced by our impact.

For example, it was Valentine’s Day a couple of weeks ago at school for our eight year old, Jona. He needed Valentine’s for his class. Should it affect me? No. Did it affect me? Yes.

But why? I have a whole husband.

A more than capable husband who is completely competent in “man’ing” the task of purchasing and preparing Valentine’s Day cards for Jona’s classmates and yet I took it on because of my self-proclaimed role of the “nucleus” to my family. No one gave me the title, I assigned it to myself – then often feel overwhelmed when I have to deliver.

Sometimes, we as moms have to relinquish control. I know it’s hard but I’m personally finding it important to relinquish my own ideals that I have to be responsible for everything that happens or doesn’t happen. The idea that the people in our lives couldn’t exist without us highlights our “self-importance.” We place ourselves on a pedestal and don’t allow our spouses to step into the role God designed for them.

A few months after having Grant, I chatted with a pregnant friend of mine. She shared a story of her husband stepping up and her own realizations. Through her own self-reflection she learned that she had been stifling her husband’s ability to show up as a leader in their relationship. I too am guilty of this and I’d like to say that I’m learning Jon every single day. I’m learning how he problem solves, I’m learning how he’d like to show love and be loved but ultimately, I’m learning how absolutely necessary he is.

Okay, so I’ve always known how necessary he is but I guess the picture I’m trying to paint is that when we as mothers, as women, take a back seat to focus on our own mental health and peace, we give our families the opportunity to thrive. We give our spouses the chance to step into their roles as parents and partners. We give our children the chance to see daddy shine and mommy take care of herself, focusing on her unique talents. We set boundaries for ourselves and teach our children to also set the much needed boundaries they deserve.

This leads me to my “point.” Sometimes we need to remind ourselves, “I love you, but please stop.” Stop taking the lead. Stop choosing over productivity to fulfill the emptiness. Stop moving. Love yourself, pause, and be present so you can cease the madness of overwhelming emotions. I promise, your family will survive.

I hope this inspires you to set the boundaries you need to not just survive but thrive in the week ahead.

Sending you tons of love,

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