My first published blog was, “The Gift of Mastery.”
I launched it in 2017 and was certain it was my ticket to stardom. At the time, I was in a three year relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive ex and was far from God.
While I prayed, I didn’t know the Bible for myself. We were living together and I was often encouraged by him to focus heavily on attaining financial freedom, through my gift of writing. Overall we had varied interests but shared similar goals of entrepreneurship and humor to keep us going. In every other way, we were completely unequally yolked. We didn’t even believe in the same God.
So, I launched “The Gift of Mastery,” a blog sharing tips on mental health, financial wellness and physical gains. All the while, I was experiencing tumultuous arguments day and night, with him. Eventually, The Gift of Mastery became yet another place in my life that was unstable.
Ironically, the blog was supposed to focus on me mastering my goals through documentation, but I often found myself so emotionally exhausted, I couldn’t write regularly. I would start blogging then take a break, then start again then stop again, each time apologizing to my following for my lack of consistency. It killed my confidence as a writer.
He was also very controlling of how, when and who I shared with. Writers block became a constant — I couldn’t be true to myself, I felt like a hypocrite, only writing fluff blog posts. The topics I desperately wanted to blog about, my life experiences, weren’t allowed to be shared.
Time passed and I gave up on the blog entirely. I traded in much of myself for weight gain, unhealthy habits of overeating and a cycle of emotional discord. It’s interesting how your inner-self can desire joy but your external self chooses to become content in things opposite of what your core thirsts for, we settle. I was caught in a cycle of insanity — doing the same things over again, expecting a different outcome.
Finally, things came to a head and we ended the relationship, once and for all. In ending that chapter, I decided to also get rid of the blog. I have always been the type of person where once I’m done, I’m done. I throw away most things associated with a hurtful period of my life, in hopes of cultivating something better through my attempt at erasing history.
Cancelling The Gift of Mastery, I gained. I learned who I am and what I stand for. I had been attempting to master multiple areas of my life with a huge area wounded. All along, I needed to focus on mastering the broken areas within me. In throwing away the toxic relationship, I mastered myself. I mastered self-worth through setting and communicating my expectations.
Fast forward to today. While I am still working on my goals and self-mastery, I am truly filled with joy. I took much needed breaks from writing these past three years, focusing a lot on my wellbeing and relationship with God. This led me to marry my best friend, experiencing the never-ending sleepover of a lifetime and have two amazing sons who light up my world. I no longer need “the gift of mastery.” I’m focused on the Taylorisms.
All of the quirky things that make me, me. I hope you enjoy my new blog. This new space of clarity. My mastery and acceptance of self. The Taylorisms.